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  Ode to Loss When loss strikes, we have to dig deep. Such goes the saying. Looking back at the arc of my life, I realize what a large part loss has played, small and big, devastating and minor. Unexpected, and unavoidable, always carrying gifts and growth with it. Offering transformation in mysterious ways. On our life’s path, we encounter many kinds of valleys and mountains, rains and melting snow. Gentle or ferocious, our sorrow sings in streams, roars in rivers. On a steep winding trail, measured steps merge rhythmically with heartbeat. Resting on a mossed covered rock, we spot hidden mushrooms. Gratefully polishing an apple, eating it whole, leaving only the stem behind. Slices of rye bread held together with sweet butter. New ways of being, people, things, emerge miraculously. Nothing stays the same when we lose. A friend, a partner, a homeland. That’s why I fall in love with the little blue shovel that finds me – out of the blue – at the beach in January, after the last fero...
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My Snake Skin   Once upon a time – a long long time ago – there was and was not, a little girl traveling over the big big ocean on a big big ship, as big as a village, or even bigger. She was not alone however. Her mother, father and brother were there too. On this boat life seemed strange and boring. All around were grey sky and ocean, sometimes blue. And waves, nothing else. People speaking all kind of languages, sitting in deck chairs, reading, bundled up. But when they land, it becomes interesting. Finally, they have arrived on this other continent. The family is going to live in the south of Brazil, far far from Germany.  A new life.  In a simple small home. And a yard with banana, mulberry, goiaba (guava), maracujá and orange trees, date palms and many bright big flowers. Magic all around. The little girl is called Jutta. She feels very close to her brother Heiner who is one year younger. They play outside all the time. It is balmy, sometimes hot, lots of sun. And r...
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the ocean breathes courage to be In Service   der Ozean atmet silvery skin expanding breath enters   brings relief and nothing is more important than salt   life   light   broken shells   first there is hunger   is thirst   but now now   or is it later   we break the shell this takes courage   Mut zum Leben oh   how fragile   breathing hurts bitter medicine   all fields open   no walls no fences   bubbling wells what are we tending   spider is waiting ready to jump on prey   now   now   now is so beautiful is hungry is crying is shivering is pulsing trembling wandering drinking sighing   always   always we come back to who we are our soul remembers   awe is useful   circling walking in the green valley of mystery nobody robs us   nobody rushes us grains of sand...
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  Where Are We?   No-one knows Minute to minute Everyone has to adjust   No more mercy No more seasons Nothing to count on   Where is the middle Center of splendor Safe and calm   Truly precious Our smallness grows Dusty ashes in the wind   Splashed with pure curiosity We witness willows’ Salty sorrow   And first ginkgo petals Sweet green Young   Tango tunes leaping from Smiling moon above Our ears unfold   Everyone is blabbering on As if it is normal to be Disappeared alone   Terror and boots On the ground Without roots   Alive today Dead tomorrow Just one arm and leg   Whatever falls from heaven Tumbles back to source Stars sun metal rain Bathed in stream of tears Chiseled by wonder We are molded   Nestling in fertile lush dark We feel vulnerable Delicate old   Balancing deeper within Gratitude glows gaily Heart beats slow   Through vast unknown realms Silent stillness shimmers No need to control   Newborn...
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  New Possibilities Starting end of February, the big old live oaks outside my bedroom cottage on the hill begin showing new growth. Really? The yearly miracle of renewal is happening seven weeks early. Making it even more of a wonder, normally I have to wait till April. So much rain in late fall, followed by a warm January and February. Each spring, I am helplessly stunned all over again, as if I never have experienced it before. Nestled beneath, upon waking my delight mingles with pure astonishment, awe, and contentment. Seeligkeit . Trees and bird song. Bliss. The big giants with their sturdy fat trunks and long limbs – covered in moss and all kind of lichen, reaching wide and far, deep and high – are my teachers and companions. The tender new leaves sing out to me, my heart hums along with joy. The trees’ life juice originates from the equally deep and wide roots, pushing through wood, hard branchlets, closed buds. Inner strength is unfolding, daring, trusting, growing, transfo...
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  When Red is the Color   Red, the color of warning, danger, aggression,  fire, destruction, blood flowing. This morning, another war initiated by our country. Red, also the color of life at its fullest. That is what my teaching is about, learning to be in balance, harmony, with self, others, nature – an offering towards peace. Red, with its many meanings and paradoxes, can signal good or bad. Like water, Red needs harnessing. Below an experience of mine this past week. I keep the words as written before today’s news. When Red is the color to carry us over the threshold into the Lunar New Year of the Fire Horse . So, this Tuesday morning, I put on my new red velvet tunic and pants. Their colors and texture are luscious, warm, soft, energizing. Teaching my T’ai Chi classes, I normally don’t dress up, but today it feels right. A new session begins, and several newcomers are joining my established group. Arriving early, caring and observant Parry delights: “Beautiful, new st...
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The Beast with a Dream in its Belly   Not Necessary   Sometimes it is just not needed not necessary…   What? Well, the distractions… endlessly urgent Who needs to be diverted from plain simple life From life’s breath – in the belly – who needs it?   Rising and falling waves of aliveness, nourishing consoling, energizing, roaming, traversing, visiting meandering, questing, wandering, pondering the softening and comforting, if we ever would tune in get to know Breath, listen, linger, but we so so busy we can’t help it, we need really – really need to be absent, definitely…   sometimes, the deep cave of my throat fills up with soft happy feeling flaunting a certain fragrance like that of my mock orange bush against the house, unassuming white petals, yellow stamen resembling plum blossoms – sometimes, delicate taste of sweet out of nowhere lingers on my puzzled palate, humbled tongue infusing each belly breath with life, confident in ebb and flow till death will ta...
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The Power of the Powerless   The forces of history are always bigger than us – we are at their mercy. What will be our fate? How will destiny unfold? What influences guide us? Can we be dedicated to Living in Truth?   Václav  Havel – Living in Truth In the Spring of 1968, my 14-year-old teenage attention is laser-focused on Czechoslovakia. The great Alexander Dubček is my hero. As secretary of the Communist Party, he puts the Prague Spring Reforms into place beginning of January that year. In West Germany and France much political turmoil and transformation is happening. Starting at 12 years old, I am devouring books by Albert Camus, Thomas Mann, Nellie Sachs, Heinrich Heine, Günther Grass , Hilde Domin, Hans Magnus Enzensberger, and many more. I read Czech writers, poets, and playwrights, like Václav Havel , Bohumil Hrabal, Pavel Kohout, etc.  Ours was a socialist family. Every night, we heatedly discuss sociological trends and political events at the dinner t...
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