Karinaland River

  Children who survive a school shooting know what War is like.    They are being initiated into American life and society.   There is War going on in this country – w hether we want to believe it or not. America is at  War  with itself. A war declared and waged by the country’s addiction to violence and guns, to automatic rifles designed for war and mass killings, to money and power. It is a suicidal war. And we are held hostage. Those military weapons are manufactured for War, and every day they kill random civilians, children, grandmas, nurses, fathers, shoppers. Just as it is happening in the War Zones around the world. We might think War is far away, but no –  War  has come home to America, where everyone is basically free to kill. I am relieved to hear true outrage and fury from many corners – finally, finally. This is utterly necessary. To let children to be slaughtered – sit by and not be upset? To allow more guns than people in the land o...

  The last few Wild Strawberries in the Meadow of my Childhood   I wrote the Papa Trilogy about my father’s teenage war experience before the Buffalo mass shooting, before the shooting in Southern California, before the Texas school shooting. Three hate crimes within a few days. So much tragedy, so much grief. So much discouragement, chaos, and yet we need to march on for equal human rights for all. And dream up a world with new priorities.   Spending time in the garden, its wildness and natural chaos bring perspective. In this kingdom, time slows and expands. I weed, kneel and harvest the last wild strawberries. Crouched low, at eye level with the small plants. My cheeks close to earth to glimpse the hidden treasures underneath the foliage. From finger tips the berries land straight in my mouth. Sweetness. All around me, red poppies and pink, lavender & deep purple sweet peas tilting their heads smiling at me kindly. Inviting me into their realm, faces turned toward ...

Bob’s birthday is today May 18 – he would have turned 93.       This day always gives me hope. Bob was such an optimist and believer in goodness – no bad was going to happen :)     He left two weeks before American politics was seriously changed by the 2016 election. Among his main heroes were Malcolm X (born May 19, 1925) and Paul Robeson.   Look at this photo of Bob on the window sill ­– I have always admired it – it is  so  him!   Bob loved puzzles, chess, poker, playing, tennis, baseball, reading books, walking in nature,  poetry,  simple good food, Mozart, Beethoven's late quartets,  the live oaks in the garden,  beauty ....   So today in honor of Bob, I will do my own practice of breathing beauty – the month of May is all about that. And I will be envisioning the soothing and healing that arises from it, the spreading of smiles, so they may be traveling like fertile clouds around the globe….   Happy Bi...

  Headlines updating us on the World News:   Buffalo Shooting (17 sec ago) ---- Russia-Ukraine War (21 min ago)     The War at Home is already here – America, wake up. It never went away, only was non-existent or obscured to white people’s eyes. The War also has "come home" to America…     (Still by Bob Ng, 641 Garage BLM Memorial Mural)   There is an ideology to it, too. Like in Russia. Mystical and dangerous. White supremacy – Russian supremacy. Right wing extremists are already sitting in the Senate, are part of the government and are deciding to revoke human rights in America. They are openly fanning violence, supremacist opinions, thus supporting terrorists. Replacement theory and talk of “replacers” of the white race is a classic fascist sentiment and strategy. Racism is rearing its monstrous head and showing its hands clearly – not just with words, policies and laws, but with automatic rifles, using military assault weapons for mass murder. Acts...

Papa Trilogy –  Part 3   What keeps us in Life? When I am 14, my father speaks the following words to me – I will never forget, still remember the exact spot in our living room, the light of the sunny afternoon pouring in: “If it were not for you kids, I would not be alive.“ It is just the two of us. A thunder clap shakes me awake, I start to tremble, and finally understand to my relief the huge weight I have been experiencing since early childhood, the huge love.      Born in München in 1953, into poverty, I am the first child; my parents unwedded. Still “shell-shocked” from war and displacement. Becoming a father, wakes Papa up over the next few years, slowly he starts to emerge out of a deep suicidal depression. My brother, arriving 11 months after me, is given to the grandparents in East Germany – across the military border. They have a fruit & vegetable garden, chickens, and therefore food. Three years later my parents succeed to take my well-fed brothe...

Papa Trilogy –  Part 2   Three Miracles, an Initiation     Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was and was not a young ordinary soldier, far away from home at the frontlines of war against the enemy in the vast lands of Russia. The 17-year-old boy is confused, this is not how war has been described to him, as glorious and heroic…. He is asked to shoot and kill other young men lying like him in muddy cold trenches. After some time of seeing much blood and senseless death of those across the enemy line and of his own comrades, he writes letters home to his parents. How it all is a lie, how they should not believe a word what their country’s leader is telling them. It’s all a lie! Eventually, his letters are intercepted and he is taken to a military prison in occupied Poland. Away from the front, still far from home. But saved from killing. Here he is awaiting execution with other traitors and deserters. The mock trial and execution are set to happen next day, but ...

Papa Trilogy –  Part 1     Die Stunde Null        Liberation from the Nazis – commemorated every year on May 8  or May 9, it  was also Liberation Day for Germans. They, too, needed to be liberated from violence and persecution. They, too, had suffered, but of course rightfully we could not speak about that since the Germans had been the perpetrators – not only of World War II – but of the worst unspeakable crimes of humanity, the Holocaust.    On May 8, 1945, my father walked out naked from a military hospital in southern Germany, draped only in a blanket, and he surrendered to the Americans approaching. They let the skinny still wounded teenager go. Nobody knew how life could go on. Rubble everywhere. Homeless, hungrily scavenging for scraps of food, begging at farmer’s houses for just one egg, this was my father’s fate for the next several years. Hour Zero had arrived. Die Stunde Null.     In Part 2 of this Trilogy, I wi...

  Planning a Book Celebration for the 2022 re-issue of  Black Lives, White Lives   to honor Bob’s legacy, and create an opportunity to bring together old and new friends, young and old, in Karinaland Garden. Who will show up?     With a live outdoor concert of Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart’s Duo for Violin & Viola in B flat major, K 424 , played by professional musicians  Elbert Tsai  and  Christina J.Simpson .  (Elbert and Christina are part of the  Sierra Quartet )   Three friends of mine helped out – you know who you are – became sponsors and made this special musical treat possible. I am so-so-so grateful for this!      We will be sharing Armenian finger food and drink, including garden herb tea, mingling in the magical setting under the big old Live Oaks, surrounded by squirrels & hummingbirds. Those who actually have read a bit in the book, are invited to share their impressions. I hope this draws some of...

      A week ago, I met my brother Matthias for the first time on zoom.   It is 11 am my time, 8 pm his time in Germany.  Having not seen him and my sister in 3 years, I am tickled, a bit giddy. Since the pandemic, we’ve been having phone conversations more often, about every two months. To see him on the screen felt surprisingly close, as if no time had lapsed since 2019. We both laugh with delight. There he is, present, curious, open to listen, share, and ponder the world, the war, history and culture in Germany, Europe and America.   Proudly I show him the re-issue of Bob’s  Black Lives, White Lives  that I had worked on so hard, lay-out and all. Knowing he has been working on his own book – his first – I ask and he surprises me with the digital cover. Date of release will be July 1, 2022. Proudly I am sharing here.   Questions, still in Need to be Asked   Conversations with Parents and Grandparents – Stories of Resilience written by ...

  There is a 90-year-old a pig in my kitchen – and I feel great affection for this being.   It’s been of service for so long, the wood is solid yet soft. Bringing it to America in my suitcase when my mother died six years ago, felt like a lucky strike, connecting me to family and the old country. Dating back to my father’s parents, the pig's simplicity  is  to my eyes so beautiful, even elegant. My heart is soothed by its presence, resting prominently near the sink with the flowers above on the window sill.   Growing up, in the evenings our family was eating together for Abendbrot, my father though often missing, working late. We each had a wooden board; the meals were light. For lunch, the Mittagsessen was a warm meal. Such were German customs in the old days, probably not anymore for most people. Now it is  mein Brotzeitbrett – for eating bread and butter, cheese, radishes, cucumber, cold cuts, olives, tomatoes… For me, eating alone which i do almost...

  My Yellow Irises started to bloom early this year, in April.   Theirs is an expanding area near the wild roses. Normally they show up in mid-May reminding me of my father’s death day – May 14, 1992. My heart is beating softly with admiration & tenderness when gazing at them.     Today, I continued again to research exoneration cases and the individuals’ stories. As before with my research on the victims of police violence, this research is extremely upsetting. So much indifference, racism and cruelty in the justice system is overwhelming and dispiriting. But at the same time, for decades such incredibly dedicated work has been done by lawyers and organizations like  Centurion – Seeking Freedom for the Innocent in Prison    https://centurion.org/    and many other Innocence Projects all over the country. Most famously Bryan Stevenson’s  Equal Justice Initiative   https://eji.org/issues/wrongful-convictions/    which I...