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 Today – my husband’s fifth death day, the full moon, and the warm gentle rains… It is all melting together in a smooth arrival of blessings. Yesterday evening, I harvest a big bag of apples from the old golden delicious tree, bring some over for Ladan, John, and their daughters Melanie and Moneli who play hide and seek with me. This morning Beth from across the street comes to get her share, then Gregg, a few houses up, arrives with a bag and I take the apples down the stairs to meet him. Pies will be baked :)

Earlier in the morning a student lets me know about her dream & sobbing and suppressed emotions stuck in her throat. Sharing insights, rain, tears, apples, feelings, delights – this “remembrance day” keeps unfolding with showers of all kinds. Bob appears, too. Meeting on zoom with the Marketing Communications Manager of UC Berkeley Press about the promotion of the re-issue of Bob’s 1989 book Black Lives, White Lives, to be released February 1, 2022. In another meeting, friends offering me – to my total surprise – professional expertise and help with a Karinaland site on the World Wide Web to present my life long work under one umbrella. And I am able to breathe right through the busy day with an open soft heart, taking cues from my old oaks expanding their moss on trunk and branches with big sighs of gratitude.

Over the years, this deepest loss of my life – which made me die as well – has been seeping slowly and continuously into my soul’s root system, feeding transformation, rebirth and renewal. Gifting me with a new sense of aliveness, strengthening my whole existence with increased confidence, ease and joys. It was not easy, but worth it. Like all good things. A day to make me bow in awe and reverence. It is dark now and a steady rain sings its song.

….as Walt Whitman says:

“Sure as life holds all parts together,

Death holds all parts together.

Sure as stars return again

After they merge in the light,

Death is great as life.”


Comments

  1. Alex KOctober 24, 2021 at 9:58 AM

    Reading the last paragraph-"Over the years..." I gasped with a sudden intake of breath. What you write is so beautiful and piercing both in the words and the life lived that is revealed. Teaching me courage.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Alex KOctober 24, 2021 at 12:17 PM

    I want to add something. Letting what you have written sink in more, has me looking at the deaths in my life that I have not let in. Deaths of people, relationships… I find it frightening but realize, now that your words startled me awake, necessary.

    ReplyDelete

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