Another night walk, today in rain gear. Not yet a real test for my new rain pants :) but they enhance feeling cozily enveloped. In darkness, humid warm air, fog… in fine drizzle, silence, and rhythmic breath coursing through my body… Tidal waves of in & out, a warm bath of breath washing me gently within my skin. Cleansing my mind’s cobwebs into elemental aliveness and stillness.
In my childhood, I teach myself how to secretly slide into heightened awareness, through easing into self-invented bodily postures and movement sequences, or gazing for a long time with one eye deeply into the chalice of a flower, till I slip into a different universe, shapeshifting and “timeshifting.” Traveling to the other regions of our being, the ones we only know from sleeping dreams… All art is for me as a child the portal to those invisible planes, music foremost. My ear is sensitive to the messages inside the sound of a singing or speaking voice. There is perhaps a hidden cry, a shy smile, desperation, or the frozen heart, a leap of faith, or liberation… Erlösung.
When listening to music on the radio, or to recordings that my parents made from the radio – especially jazz or classical – my mother is surprised that at eight years old I can tell who is the singer. Or the player of the saxophone solo. The sound of a particular cellist is clearly recognizable to my young ears – or should I say to my heart? For me the ear is lodged in the h-ear-t. Like a Bach Cantata aria sung by Kieth Engen, or Mozart Aria sung by Christa Ludwig, Edith Mathis or Julia Hamari. Years later I will see them with my eyes, but I know them better from the colors and subtleties of the sound of their unique voices. My ear attuned to otherworldliness – like many a child – I can tell when vibrations have the magic power of transporting me to invisible realms.
Back at home, unpeeling my rain pants and jacket, I decide to have a slice of dark rye bread with butter.
What a journey you take us on: a walk becomes a meditation, then memories of childhood full of vibrant deep things of the heart, then back at home nourished with something simple that could have been eaten back then. I feel gifted :) invited into my own being.
ReplyDeleteI love how often I get to hear stories from your childhood, it’s one of my favorite ways to get to know a person, hearing the memories they remember & choose to share reveals a lot of who they are.
ReplyDeleteI have the honor of working and collaborating with little ones & youth as an art teacher. Their imaginations, creativity, curiosity can be so inspiring, I always remind them I learn from them as much as they learn from me. Creativity is an absolutely necessary skill for navigating the world – creativity as in not just visual arts, dance, or music, but in the way they perceive the world, the way they problem solve, the way the communicate, the way they imagine, the way they move & relate with other living beings, their ability to understand & empathize... I also have unfortunately met a lot of kids & youth who have had their creativity restricted...it's still there, but somewhere in their lives - whether it is school, family, communities, or popular culture – they are not nourished or supported to value or grow this aspect of themselves.
Looking at how adults are navigating this pandemic & even the climate crisis, the fear of changing what was considered "normal" before the world knew COVID-19 or climate catastrophe, you can see the severed imaginations, lack of creativity, they've lost their curiosity, their ability to question, adapt or be flexible to change to new patterns, to problem solve or imagine new possibilities or in many cases remembering ways of being our ancestors knew that can resolve the problems we face today...many have lost their ability to understand how to live collectively, something we need right now to work, live, move through these crises together.