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Showing posts from January, 2026

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  Who Will Fill My Place When I Am Gone? Out in space, a few humans are orbiting for weeks, months or years, often two or three in a small capsule. For the most part, they return unscathed to earth. In contrast, remember the families missing one or two of its members. The “disappeared” – who will find them? Who will fill their place? The presence of the “abducted” are nevertheless painfully felt in the silence of their home: the empty mug, jacket still on the hook near the door. Nobody dares to step into their spot as not to hinder the possible return of their loved one. Eerie Silence. Absence. my clematis end of December   All of us have to step up constantly, for many reasons. At   certain times, the pressure is higher. Like filling the place of those who have been disappeared, or forced into exile. Or were violently murdered. Those having left for good, leave behind heartache. Their absence might bring forth the best in us. Whenever violation is involved, our soul, too...
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  Knowing Last night, on New Year’s Eve, 2025, I am flooded with immense gratitude, bigger than life. To honor it, I finally write about something specifically sacred to me. With its intense flame, the essence of the story is burning inside me. Today, ten years ago, my Mama puts her simple paper affairs one more time in order with the assistance of Edeltraut, her trustworthy helper who comes twice a day. It’s New Year’s Eve – Sylvester . I speak to her on the phone, my morning, her evening already, nine hours difference. “Like you, I am not going to do anything, just go to bed early,” I say. She falls asleep and never wakes up again. That night of hers is my day here. Despite not having heard yet of her death, I seem to know. The irrepressible urge to drive to Point Reyes for a walk on the beach. When two hospice workers drop by bringing confusing news about the service for my husband Bob, I blurt out impatiently: “I need to go, can’t figure this out now.” At the ocean, my feet are...