Karinaland River

  Thin Skinned Darkness Has emerged for us on earth. How are we going to ride it?   Paradoxically, as a child, I experience thin-skinned darkness in the majestic pathless unpeopled forests. The canopy of tall trees, whispering high above to each other in secret languages. Leaving us humans on the moss-covered bottom in the dark. Soft bare feet. Mama in her wide long light-blue skirt, smiling Papa, little brother, little sister, further off, invisible and yet present. Family is spread far apart. I know their presence. Der Wald ist dunkel, und schön. Durchsichtig. Transparent. Dünnhäutig , thin skinned. We each ­– sammeln Beeren – collect buckets of berries, blue and red, in pregnant silence. Blaubeeren, Walderdbeeren, Waldhimbeeren. Blau und Rot. Food to be transformed into a simple dish, berries with milk – heavenly. And jam or jelly for the winter, our vitamin supply.   The fifties in Bavaria, Germany. Post war. Our displaced small family. For me as a young girl, time...

  Quince and Courage The strong visual language of quince intrigues all who encounter them, whether on my tree or dining table. This ancient fruit – who was most likely the true “apple” of ancient times – holds forth with earthiness and energetic originality. Hers is a lovely mantra: “Unabashedly I dare being myself.”  Perfectly imperfect. Each fruit grows into a splendid golden yellow globe, and inhabits its uniquely sculpted shape with quiet vibrancy. Quince is a queen. Unapologetic. Self-assured. Gnarly. Bold. In all of her aspects, she emanates a true beauty. Her perfumed fragrance is delicate, her unusual taste multi-layered, tart, sweet, unexpected. Being a wise old woman healer, she makes herself useful as medicine. This year my quince tree carries an abundant early harvest. Very happily, I allow the treasures to fill the living room with Quince-ness. And I start cooking batches of quince compote – no sugar added, just a bit of rum, cognac, or Damiana liqueur – deliciou...

  The Cicadas are Calling   This summer the cicadas are singing again in my patio! Oh, how I yearned for them to be back. Last May’s "mind-boggling" flea infestation of the whole hill forced me to have it sprayed with chemicals. Meanwhile, bitten all over my body and discovering that I am extremely allergic to the hundreds of fleabites from working in the garden, I get my first anaphylactic shock. My whole body is densely covered in red welts, ferociously itching every minute of the day and night. Unrelenting. Not just the garden, by now house and bedroom cottage are also infested. Non-stop, I am vacuuming, and washing clothes and sheets. Everywhere I am spraying oils of cedar wood, rosemary, and lemon grass diluted in water, and wipe floors and furniture with it. After two sleepless weeks from the intense pain – worse than itching – I catch a high-dose covid infection, first time and brutal. This takes me out for another three weeks, ribs dislocated from excessive violent co...

No End to Possibilities        if I do this then what will happen? obviously for sure if I do this correctly then nothing will happen (to me) if I disappear then nothing has happened   to me to you to anybody   if I answer just the right way                         will I be alright?   perhaps if I chose the right road then I won’t be disappeared   If I make a wrong move                         then that might be my end   or your end, or all of ours   if I stay silent                         you will not need to feel uncomfortable   possibly if I do not come here then you will not have a proble...

Life Always Loved Me Life always loved me – surely gave me everything needed, as baby absorbing parents’ hunger pain confusion helpless fear, Mama’s desperate fury Papa’s gentle absence, young and fierce survival bombs bullets catastrophe scarce rationed food no money ceiling crumbling, taught me sacrifice always I was in love with them and they have always loved me…   Whatever made me walk away seek new lands in München Kaulbachstrasse Paris New York Frankfurt Brazil Berlin Jerusalem Persia Italy Hawaii San Francisco North Berkeley – till I stopped running stayed firmly put falling in love with steep hill’s old talkative live oaks hawks participating watching me with care all places loved me and wrapped in awe I always loved them…   Yet home stays far away, removed so far hidden till I dare to be entranced by tender curious gaze of deer squirrel owl fox cat racoon opossum gopher coyote hummingbird hovering their eyes at times intensely gleaming with dreams improvising my basi...

Language as Vehicle and Vessel   Sunday late morning – still so much fog wafting, mystical and mysterious – engulfed in shades of grey. What will the future bring us? Where will it go? How will it look like? Unknown. Seeking anchor, I am reflecting on the last few days, my encounters with German and Jewish friends. All week, history has been visiting me, triggering vivid memories. Opening internal space, where I am free to roam. Vast time spans and continents interweave their landscapes as I am preparing my late breakfast. Come on a ride with me.   Surprisingly, I am in a really good mood. Splurging on a home-made espresso, a rare occasion these days. Getting out my old Bialetti stovetop Moka pot. The fresh coffee beans are called “Grounds for Innocence,” a blend by Bongo Roasting Company in Tennessee, created as a fundraiser for the Innocence Project . This organization has been fighting since 1992 to free the innocently incarcerated, prevent wrongful convictions, and reform ...

  Mellow Lemonbalm und Zärtlichkeit in my garden so much tenderness– so viel Zärtlichkeit  – and medicine   We all need allies. Mine are my wild friends growing on Karinaland ’s hill. Especially three of them. A sprawling meadow of beautiful   Plantain plants (considered a weed by many), now spread out all over the garden, bushy, high, with delicate blooms. From their leaves, stems and flowers, I make a skin-healing oil. The milky seeds of my Wild Oats , harvested at the right time, infused in cognac for my Milky Oats tincture, becomes a gentle nervous system soother. And under the old plum tree my small meadow of Lemon Balm . All three are my tender allies, beloved balms. As oil, tincture and tea, they calm, nourish and soothe skin, nerves, mood and mind. In Germany exists  Klosterfrau Melissengeist , an old classic remedy for all kinds of un-wellbeing – Unwohlsein . Each year, I used to bring a small bottle back to America. Nuns in monasteries knew how to pr...