Karinaland River

  Love Poems of Life The summer of 1991, I am hired to take care of Lowell. Barbara, his wife of only one year, asks me to also cook. There is a steady stream of visitors which Lowell delights in. His best friend is Bob, a writer and sociologist, visiting often. After dinner, everyone enjoys listening to Bob as he reads out loud from his writing-in-progress about his Jewish family and upbringing in Chicago. Balmy evenings. Lowell’s progressing bladder cancer. He and I have a secret code when things need to calm down: doucement – gently. Three weeks later, the hospital bed arrives, making things a little easier. Lowell needs stronger painkillers. Together we discern who is “comfortable” visiting their bedridden friend, now by looking gaunt. I am laser focused on Lowell’s well-being, all else is just part of the colorful, at times thorny, setting. To me new, unknown. Doucement. The home is light filled, birds chirping outside the window, a warm breeze. On this quiet Sunday afternoon,...

  Defiant is the Word   keeps sneaking into my dreams like a girl with long thin sandy braids on her screw-on metal roller skates Twirling   slithers into my daily labor in the garden bare hands weed, dig, prune, tenderly treat those thorny things, noble thistles Laughing spending time memorizing new locations street names, turns, maps, when GPS seems bent on making us helpless, unable to survive Without   definitely using cash, rarely that plastic card robbing us in split seconds, keeping our fingers from sensing paper, deciding, counting, valuing Quietly all that is offered to us as convenient, as necessary easier, cheaper – tyranny of more – the price is high yet we follow, follow news, fashion, others, ads, fads Blind   costing us an arm and a leg, not taking time to muse speak and act for ourselves, it accumulates, the gladly mindless habits of copying – rusted, repeated same old Sentences defiant – needed quality to escape the slippery road down ...

  Thin Skinned Darkness Has emerged for us on earth. How are we going to ride it?   Paradoxically, as a child, I experience thin-skinned darkness in the majestic pathless unpeopled forests. The canopy of tall trees, whispering high above to each other in secret languages. Leaving us humans on the moss-covered bottom in the dark. Soft bare feet. Mama in her wide long light-blue skirt, smiling Papa, little brother, little sister, further off, invisible and yet present. Family is spread far apart. I know their presence. Der Wald ist dunkel, und schön. Durchsichtig. Transparent. Dünnhäutig , thin skinned. We each ­– sammeln Beeren – collect buckets of berries, blue and red, in pregnant silence. Blaubeeren, Walderdbeeren, Waldhimbeeren. Blau und Rot. Food to be transformed into a simple dish, berries with milk – heavenly. And jam or jelly for the winter, our vitamin supply.   The fifties in Bavaria, Germany. Post war. Our displaced small family. For me as a young girl, time...

  Quince and Courage The strong visual language of quince intrigues all who encounter them, whether on my tree or dining table. This ancient fruit – who was most likely the true “apple” of ancient times – holds forth with earthiness and energetic originality. Hers is a lovely mantra: “Unabashedly I dare being myself.”  Perfectly imperfect. Each fruit grows into a splendid golden yellow globe, and inhabits its uniquely sculpted shape with quiet vibrancy. Quince is a queen. Unapologetic. Self-assured. Gnarly. Bold. In all of her aspects, she emanates a true beauty. Her perfumed fragrance is delicate, her unusual taste multi-layered, tart, sweet, unexpected. Being a wise old woman healer, she makes herself useful as medicine. This year my quince tree carries an abundant early harvest. Very happily, I allow the treasures to fill the living room with Quince-ness. And I start cooking batches of quince compote – no sugar added, just a bit of rum, cognac, or Damiana liqueur – deliciou...

  The Cicadas are Calling   This summer the cicadas are singing again in my patio! Oh, how I yearned for them to be back. Last May’s "mind-boggling" flea infestation of the whole hill forced me to have it sprayed with chemicals. Meanwhile, bitten all over my body and discovering that I am extremely allergic to the hundreds of fleabites from working in the garden, I get my first anaphylactic shock. My whole body is densely covered in red welts, ferociously itching every minute of the day and night. Unrelenting. Not just the garden, by now house and bedroom cottage are also infested. Non-stop, I am vacuuming, and washing clothes and sheets. Everywhere I am spraying oils of cedar wood, rosemary, and lemon grass diluted in water, and wipe floors and furniture with it. After two sleepless weeks from the intense pain – worse than itching – I catch a high-dose covid infection, first time and brutal. This takes me out for another three weeks, ribs dislocated from excessive violent co...

No End to Possibilities        if I do this then what will happen? obviously for sure if I do this correctly then nothing will happen (to me) if I disappear then nothing has happened   to me to you to anybody   if I answer just the right way                         will I be alright?   perhaps if I chose the right road then I won’t be disappeared   If I make a wrong move                         then that might be my end   or your end, or all of ours   if I stay silent                         you will not need to feel uncomfortable   possibly if I do not come here then you will not have a proble...

Life Always Loved Me Life always loved me – surely gave me everything needed, as baby absorbing parents’ hunger pain confusion helpless fear, Mama’s desperate fury Papa’s gentle absence, young and fierce survival bombs bullets catastrophe scarce rationed food no money ceiling crumbling, taught me sacrifice always I was in love with them and they have always loved me…   Whatever made me walk away seek new lands in München Kaulbachstrasse Paris New York Frankfurt Brazil Berlin Jerusalem Persia Italy Hawaii San Francisco North Berkeley – till I stopped running stayed firmly put falling in love with steep hill’s old talkative live oaks hawks participating watching me with care all places loved me and wrapped in awe I always loved them…   Yet home stays far away, removed so far hidden till I dare to be entranced by tender curious gaze of deer squirrel owl fox cat racoon opossum gopher coyote hummingbird hovering their eyes at times intensely gleaming with dreams improvising my basi...

Language as Vehicle and Vessel   Sunday late morning – still so much fog wafting, mystical and mysterious – engulfed in shades of grey. What will the future bring us? Where will it go? How will it look like? Unknown. Seeking anchor, I am reflecting on the last few days, my encounters with German and Jewish friends. All week, history has been visiting me, triggering vivid memories. Opening internal space, where I am free to roam. Vast time spans and continents interweave their landscapes as I am preparing my late breakfast. Come on a ride with me.   Surprisingly, I am in a really good mood. Splurging on a home-made espresso, a rare occasion these days. Getting out my old Bialetti stovetop Moka pot. The fresh coffee beans are called “Grounds for Innocence,” a blend by Bongo Roasting Company in Tennessee, created as a fundraiser for the Innocence Project . This organization has been fighting since 1992 to free the innocently incarcerated, prevent wrongful convictions, and reform ...