Karinaland River

  The Gate     My Gate is now thoroughly and beautifully rusted in     Time of the Thinning of the Veil   Windows and Doors to the Otherworld are open    Ancestors dance into our Dreams   We are invited to communicate with the Spirits     Time for acknowledging Death and for celebrating Life – reminding us to live fully     Three years ago, I designed my gate and fence because too many deer were romping into my garden, then racing down the hill onto the street, one morning almost killing a biker whizzing down Euclid. I happen to witness this horrendous collision which miraculously ends without serious injuries. That day I know I must not wait to find a solution. I imagine something transparent, minimal, unique, affordable, and yet capable of keeping out roaming deer. And miraculously, my minimal fence and gate at bottom of stairs have worked out perfectly.      I was curious how people would respond to my de...

  Lebensfreude   mother & daughter pomegranate pair I am sure you have times like these, too. Feeling   amused & humored, chuckling, laughing – not just when in company, but also when alone. (Not to be confused with feeling lonely.) It’s the way the squirrel jumps, flies, and lands running along the branches high up in the oaks, mind-boggling – the swift surefooted acrobatics tickle me, make me gasp and giggle… Elegance, ease, and ferocious drive to build, find, hide, feed, explore.    For the past 6 years, living by myself, I’ll be laughing out loud when reading or listening to the radio, remembering long ago mishaps or watching an interaction on the street. Perhaps between dog and human, crow and hawk, or a car attempting to parallel park in vain. When out walking, I smile at people for no reason. Older folks moving slow will have all the time to smile back. Watching children busy playing by themselves, brings smiles. I find pleasure in a million small...

    Remembering A few days ago, I remembered the 1989 earthquake from 33 years ago. Before that my friend Alex, who died from a sudden heart attack two years ago, only 34 years old. Today I commemorate my late husband’s death on October 20, 2016 and the years of increased caring for Bob here at home. Today six years ago, I became a widow after 25 years of being married.    Bob had a good life and a good death at age 87. We had a rich partnership.    Today I also want to speak about something we often avoid as a topic. Caregiving and caregivers.  I have done caregiving before; it is how I met Bob. Being hired by a friend of mine to care for her husband Lloyd who happened to be Bob’s best friend, and who died 6 weeks later . Living with Bob, over the last years my caregiver role slowly increases, the last months are intense. I do all the physical caring chores myself, finding solutions how to avoid bedsores, how to bring comfort in impossible situations....

  Will the Sun rise again?     Destruction is part of natural cycles.   The images of war and hurricanes, of carpet bombings and floods ravaging land, of fires wiping out whole towns, those images turn out to look very similar. They shock us, they shake me, and probably unsettle you, too. Destruction is part of life, and life means change. In all processes like in composting, recycling – even in birth – some destruction takes place. But collectively, we have never been bombarded day after day, hour by hour, with so many images of mass devastation. Our instinctive responses are fear of loss of life & home, helplessness, fragility of life. We wonder if self-protection and survival of family will be possible. People are affected by war and disasters in random ways. This is an amazing reality: the neighbor’s house might be burnt down, ours still standing. The bombs might hit this village, not that, the soldiers might take her father, not yours. The police will shoot ...

  Alex and the old Apple Tree   “When Karina told me she was seeking a person to help prune her trees in the garden, I was delighted to know an arborist who could be a good fit. I immediately thought of my friend Alex, a hardworking person with a big heart, very intentional and careful with details, loves & is fascinated with trees, and would deeply appreciate the kind of conversation that comes with knowing Karina. When I remember time with Alex, the long meandering thoughtful conversations have the same energy as talking with Karina.     I was excited at the beginning of their friendship - matching or connecting people doesn't always work out - but their appreciation & admiration for each other was a dream come true. When Alex died unexpectedly that first year of the pandemic, it was absolutely heartbroken. Despite navigating the grief & unknowingness of the pandemic, Alex was not a person I expected to lose anytime soon. What nurtured me most through t...

Falling     Middle of night I wake   from minor clangs   on wooden deck below   followed by a certain   rolling sound   apples falling   at free will   leaving tree   behind     apples know   it is time to go   with gravity   back to ground   leaving heights   becoming mush   seeds to grow die   for generations   to come     or wait for   someone to bake apple   cake cook compote   leaving me awake   wondering about   my very own leaving   what will be left behind   falling back into dreams   bursting at the seams     heart split open        wide        middle of the night     Karina Epperlein, Berkeley, October 1, 2022    

Melancholy revisits me from time to time …   She used to be my twin sister always at my side. Now she is an old friend lingering for a bit, then leaving. She is part of life, part of my joy of life. Old, wiser, generous, not clinging anymore… quietly vanishing once I say hello to her…    Ancient personal and ancestral sadness and loss mingle with the increasing collective catastrophes of violent inequalities and injustices, of climate change and wars, the list is endless...      How could I avert my eyes, hold my ears, close my heart? Two days ago, I sneak into Raxakoul Coffee and Cheese Market in Kensington just a minute after 6 pm to quickly pick up some crackers and anchovies. Before me at the cash register a skinny middle-aged woman suddenly turns to swoop back to the frozen section to get more ice cream, then she pays slowly writing a check, muttering. The young cashier cannot find the check number which he needs to enter, neither does the woman know, ...

  Aidan’s first Visit to Karinaland  – so much Joy! Sunday afternoon, meeting for the first time the son of Michelle, one of my T’ai Chi students and her husband Micah, sharing apples, a big pot of garden herb tea, dried fruit and crackers on the Kassandra deck in Karinaland.  All of us so happy.  Aidan with parents Michelle and Micah, gnawing on his first apple picked straight from the upper small tree with its many fruits. He bravely climbed the 108 “bumpy” steps up the hill – impressive! He swept my tea house and enjoyed the ding-dong of chimes all around.   Playing the hug game with parents and Karina, running from one pair of open arms to another, enjoying flying into embraces! The past 2 and half years the pandemic have kept us from meeting in person. Fortunately, I have been receiving lots of wonderful pictures of Aidan along the way. Michelle has been studying with me for 5 years. And now she is a T’ai Chi mother. And sometimes, in our Monday evening zoo...

  W rongful Conviction Day ––  October 2 https://centurion.org/        https://innocenceproject.org/   Click  on the links at top  and read. I just took a small selection of facts and people exonerated in 2021.  Anthony Dixon's name is on our Memorial Wall. May we all learn about justice. And mercy. Big Thank You to all who work on these wrongful convictions for years to achieve exonerations!