I Will Not Be Sad In This World #2
This declaration is my every day mantra nowadays. 94-year-old Zaroohe – the protagonist of I Will Not Be Sad In This World, is a survivor of the Armenian Genocide (1914 – 18). In my 2001 film, she comes alive as gardener, fabulous cook, storyteller, mother, seamstress, grand- & great-grandmother, lover of music and life. She is my heroine. All my life, I had the good fortune of counting amazing elder women as close friends, several of them German-Jewish Holocaust survivors, now long gone. Remembering and honoring them is how I find Trost, consolation in our times. Yesterday, my friend Connie sends me pictures from a small town in Germany where she and her late mother Lucy are honored by the 500-year-old Gymnasium (advanced high school) and the City of Nienburg. 90 years ago, Lucy was forced at age 20 to emigrate to save her life. Recently my lawyer warned me visiting my brother and sister in Germany will not be safe for me upon return to America, not these days. A pang of Heinweh – longing is always tinged with sadness – jolts me. But I feel elated for my friend, the festivities, reconciliation, Wiedergutmachung. How long it takes to bring justice into the picture.
Zaroohe at age 94
Passing on stories to the young. How do they experience life and the world? Listening to young people’s responses to my films, I learn so much about them. Even 30 or 20 years later, often surprising feedback, as the one below, will reach me, confirming the power and timelessness of true cinema. I Will Not Be Sad in This World is a lyrical, multi-layered, deep and slow meditation on old age, making oneself happy, memory, generations, history, surviving loss of family & genocide, Armenian culture, and “god.” It does not sound like a film young people would be interesting in, right? Watch the Trailer Read synopsis and acclaim here.
It was Aysha’s idea to use my one-hour documentary I Will Not Be Sad In This World in her class. Very creative. Aysha, now 30 years of age, has been a friend for the past 8 years, and a student of mine for the past 5 years. I have seen her grow, unfold and transform in miraculous ways. Below her e-mail report to me with her students' comments.
May 15, 2025 – Karina, the course I am teaching at the University of Santa Cruz this Spring is part of a three-part course series on Agroecology, focusing on social and ecological movements versus industrial agriculture. I had my students watch I Will Not Be Sad in This World and answer the question: What does this film have to say about agroecology? Here are some representative comments. The students were very moved and the discussion went very well. Aysha
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Gracie: If these stories are not told and understood and paid attention to, our silence only creates space for more of the same injustices. Agroecology deals in connections between farmers and the community, and between agrarian/"peasant" farmers everywhere; their right to their lands, their right to their foodways, and their right to their livelihoods. Genocide anywhere threatens peoples everywhere and into the future as long as we fail to object to it loudly.
Guillermo: The film introduced the idea of passing on knowledge through stories and opening our ears to hear these stories that otherwise end up lost to time. This is something that we are experiencing today with agriculture and how ancient/generational farming methods can aid us in a world where climate change is a looming threat.
Braeden: I think this film related to agroecology through showing the power that food has. I found it very moving when Zaroohe talked about how she could not remember her parents faces, but could remember every plant that her father had in his garden. I also think it showed how food can help someone keep in touch with their culture, especially individuals such as Zaroohe that have been through severe oppression or genocide.
Brielle: This film made me feel very melancholic, as it is a visually poetic form of storytelling of Zaroohe's life and the weight of the genocide. But at the same time made me feel very connected to my own family as I found similarities in my grandmother, as I did Zaroohe, the way she lives her life in her simplicity, daily activities, and manual labor is parallel to my grandmother's.
Ella: The opening line of the film was "she is so unusual because she's so ordinary." That line stuck with me, as it embodies the everyday people that work in the agricultural industry. Agroecology isn't just about the farming, it's about the people who farm. There was another quote in the film that went along the lines of "God took a garden to give a garden," referring to her father's garden from when she was little and her garden now. It speaks to the legacy, and to the idea that even in loss, there can be regeneration.
Sophie: I was focusing a lot on holding back tears while watching this film. Zaroohe reminded me a lot of my grandmother that I lost this past winter. My grandma, Margarita, was part Armenian as well. Margarita wore a lot of similar night dresses that Zaroohe is pictured wearing, one I even recognized with the same exact pattern my grandma wore.
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Kenzie: This film connects agroecology to a long lineage of gardening and cooking practices that reverberate through Zaroohe's life. Agroecology is all about the holistic practice of agriculture and cultivation of produce, which is what Zaroohe cares for most. She talks about her childhood and all of the produce her family grew. This film made me feel very hopeful. It's inspiring to know that even through the horrific events that Zaroohe experienced, she was still able to remain happy in life and find peace in everyday mundanities, such as caring for her garden or cooking for her son.
Zoe: What I observed through this film was the perseverance of life, even in the face of incredibly underserved cruelty, and the choice to continue living a fulfilling life, even after all that was endured. This reminds me of the very meaning of agroecology--because it is a persistence struggle against capitalism, meaning that even though most of the people fighting for agroecology have experienced undeserved struggles and cruelty, they continue to fight against a system that almost seems impenetrable. They do not give up, they do not veer from their desired goals, and they continue to endure. Karina Epperlein's "I Will Not Be Sad in This World" reminds us that while we endure, we have a choice to be utterly miserable--or to embrace life with a positive attitude. I struggled immensely with depression in high school, and my grandmother would always listen to my issues, worries, and grievances I felt were undeserved--never trying to solve the core of my issues, but rather offering the idea that it was a choice to be happy. Honestly, at the time, this thought angered me. If I could choose to be happy, don't you think I would do it!? However, now much closer to my frontal lobe being fully developed, I understand this thought fully, and appreciate the fact that I understand it so young in my life. You will not feel happy every day. You will not even feel fine every day. This film reminds us that we must choose to make our life what we want it to be--and that ultimately, we are the researchers in our own lives. We must research ways that remind us to exist in such a way that Zaroohe did.
Zoe: What I observed through this film was the perseverance of life, even in the face of incredibly underserved cruelty, and the choice to continue living a fulfilling life, even after all that was endured. This reminds me of the very meaning of agroecology--because it is a persistence struggle against capitalism, meaning that even though most of the people fighting for agroecology have experienced undeserved struggles and cruelty, they continue to fight against a system that almost seems impenetrable. They do not give up, they do not veer from their desired goals, and they continue to endure. Karina Epperlein's "I Will Not Be Sad in This World" reminds us that while we endure, we have a choice to be utterly miserable--or to embrace life with a positive attitude. I struggled immensely with depression in high school, and my grandmother would always listen to my issues, worries, and grievances I felt were undeserved--never trying to solve the core of my issues, but rather offering the idea that it was a choice to be happy. Honestly, at the time, this thought angered me. If I could choose to be happy, don't you think I would do it!? However, now much closer to my frontal lobe being fully developed, I understand this thought fully, and appreciate the fact that I understand it so young in my life. You will not feel happy every day. You will not even feel fine every day. This film reminds us that we must choose to make our life what we want it to be--and that ultimately, we are the researchers in our own lives. We must research ways that remind us to exist in such a way that Zaroohe did.
Image from film – the filmmaker massaging Zaroohe’s feet
Angelina: Some messages that were coming across to me throughout this documentary were the importance of sharing histories and stories with each other and the younger generations so that they can remember and practice what they've been taught and continue that same process. Zaroohe explained that she remembered her father having a farm and vineyards when she was younger and that is why she grows various fruit trees and produce in her own backyard. In a way, Zaroohe's garden and the way she tended her garden and cooked meals with produce from her garden was ritualistic. Gardening and cooking meals for herself and her family became a way for her to remember and connect with a culture and family that she was separated from at such a young age.
3rd and 4th year UC Santa Cruz undergraduate students (20 – 22 years old), a mix of genders, races and ethnicities, most of whom are majoring in Environmental Studies or Agroecology.
The student’s comments moved me deeply, they related so easily picking up many subtle points I had embedded in the film when writing and editing NOT SAD twenty-five years ago. Brava, Brava.
May we relate deeply to life!
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Comments
What a pleasure to read Aysha’s students appreciation of I Will Not Be Sad In This World. How sensitive and clear eyed they are seeing and sensing the poetry and depth of your film. Reading them and you has me thinking about the choice I make everyday about life.